Mitt Romney better start sleeping with one eye open, for it appears as though a new Republican contender might be taking the spotlight. In an unexpected twist on February 7th, Rick Santorum swept the Missouri, Colorado, and Minnesota primaries and caucuses. With such success comes the combination of more attention and additional funders. Can someone say “more commercials and customized t-shirts”?
These wins have provided Santorum some ego-stroking swagger, giving him that extra push to talk more smack about the former governor of Massachusetts. At this year’s Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, Santorum put on his best sweater vest, packed away with his little backpack (I like to imagine he carries this when the going gets tough), and brought on the scandal mongering. Side note: For those who are unfamiliar with CPAC, simply picture Comic-Con and its devoted fan base, but instead of people dressing up as their favorite anime character, everyone is donning his favorite conservative on a nifty pin.
This year at CPAC, the annual straw poll indicated Romney as the winner. This obviously did not sit well with Santorum and, let’s be honest. After winning over three states, despite Missouri not even counting, such triumph can go to an individual’s head. Being the good sport he truly is, Santorum went on to tell CNN that “For years, Ron Paul won those (CPAC’s straw polls) because he just trucks in a lot of people, pays their ticket, and they come in and vote and then they leave. I don’t try to rig straw polls.” When pushed on whether or not he was implying that Romney did the same thing, Santorum went on to say, “Well, you have to talk to the Romney campaign. We’ve heard all sorts of things.”
Ah, Rick. Don’t let the loss get to you. Sure, it’s pretty tough to hear that you didn’t come out victorious in a poll equivalent to the minor leagues, but hey, every poll counts, right? Sure, the first thing you want to do is accuse your opponents of cheating so that you look like the better person. But come on, Rick! You know you are better than that! While you take some time to recoup from this blow, here are some competitions that you can enter and might just come out of as champion:
- Beauty Pageant (Toddlers and Tiara style)
- Hot Dog Eating Contest
- Oreo and Milk Jingle Contest
- Contestant on Wheel of Fortune
- Pig Racing
Here’s your Political Portion:
Too bad Rick wasn’t on the show, for God would have given him the strength to spell.