Monthly Archives: March 2012

I Think I Can Be A Republican

Given Mitt Romney’s growing momentum and now, the recent support of C-List conservatives, his nomination to be the Republican representative for the 2012 elections is more a reality than a dream. Still, why has it taken so long for Republicans to back-up Romney? Is it because he loves those NASCAR drivers? Or maybe it is because his taxes could buy hundreds of crocodile skin umbrellas that could shield his one of a kind suits. (Did I mention that crocodile skin umbrellas cost 50,000 dollars a piece?)  The endorsements lack determination and favoritism and, instead, tread more on reluctance and doubt.

South Carolina senator Jim DeMint released a statement with regard to Romney, saying, “I’m not only comfortable with Romney, I’m excited about the possibility of him being our nominee.” Jeb Bush also has decided to back Romney, but in a way that appears aloof. What both DeMint and Bush have in common, besides their cubical shaped heads, is that they have neither thoroughly nor convincingly endorsed Romney. Rather than blowing up the Romney balloons or investing in ads declaring their love for Mr. Massachusetts, they’ve given him more of a nice pat on the back for what he has accomplished thus far.

Much of the Republican’s reluctance points to their view of Romney as a moderate rather than a conservative. During the 2008 presidential election, Romney presented his take on universal healthcare, a proposition that Obama would later use as a basis for his own healthcare program. It was this realization that pushed the Republicans to put on their traditionalist capes and right-wing masks and spread their message of anti-socialism across the country. Obviously, the Republicans want someone in office who will be the poster child for their cause and the slightest chance that their candidate might stray sets off the Republican siren.

Romney’s goal is to win over those conservatives who fear that if he were to assume office he would take off his disguise only to reveal that he is truly a flaming liberal. Romney needs to remember that he has to appeal to that conventional demographic or he might be finding himself selling hot dogs at the Radical Convention.




Here’s Your Political Portion:

Superhero > Republican Candidate.


Never Gonna Give You Up

The offensive battle between the GOP candidates only continues to escalate. With harsher ads and biting discourse, it comes as no surprise that the 2008 Republican nominee, John McCain, was recently quoted as saying that the 2012 GOP race has been the “nastiest” campaign yet. Over the past months the Republican race has proven to be simply a fight between two men: Romney and Santorum. Both contenders have made the most headway and have tallied up the most votes.

Though the former governor of Massachusetts and former senator from Pennsylvania are in it until the end, why in the world are Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul still in the race? Actually, let me rephrase this question. Why in the world is Ron Paul still in the race? Gingrich has at least won two primaries, but Ron Paul has won none. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Zero. Does the once Republican now turned Libertarian not realize that his chances to ever become president are slim to nonexistent? Let’s face it. The man’s perseverance is quite admirable. Not only is he the oldest candidate, but when questioned about his health, Paul quickly turned the inquiry into a bicycle challenge that will take place in the sweltering heat.


Look At Him Go!When it comes to vigor, though Paul is arguably a fine specimen of AARP health when compared to ticker-attack McCain, there is something to be said for the sentiment enough is enough. Ron Paul is like an endearing cockroach. He is filled with charm and charisma, but he will never go away. The man keeps subjecting himself to presidential race after presidential race, only setting himself up for failure.

The most logical move for Paul would be to admit defeat so he can return home to his wife and read a nice, long medical textbook over a glass of prune juice. He could rest his joints for that proposed bike ride or, better yet, conserve all his energy for a rousing game of shuffleboard. With suggestions aside, Paul continues to be that messenger for all those who consider themselves to be libertarians.

Despite this being one of the main and probably only reasons why he will not drop out, Paul should give campaigning a rest and maybe find other ways to spread his love for the Constitution.




Here is your Political Portion:

You’ve just been Ron Roll’D!

I’ll Have A Supersize Tuesday and A Side of Fries

This year, March 6th marks Super Tuesday. Though no helmets or padding will be provided, the GOP candidates will attempt to win the hearts of voters from Alaska, Georgia, Idaho, Massachusetts, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Virginia, and Vermont. Nothing says “I don’t really care enough about these ten states, so why not just clump them all together?” quite like Super Tuesday.

Super Tuesday really is the candidates’ opportunity to prove to Americans their popularity across the nation. In fact, this is the true purpose for all presidential primaries and caucuses. They are simply beauty contests. Each candidate dons his best outfit in hopes that the shiny cufflinks he purchased will appeal to the upper class but will not offend the poor.

The primaries and caucuses are supposed to predict who will be the front-runner for the party. Unfortunately, this does not always serve to be true. In 2008, the prestigious Iowa caucus reported Mike Huckabee as the winner for the Republican Party with a staggering 40,841 votes. Romney came in second, with Fred Thompson (also known as “The Law and Order Actor”) taking third.

Huckabee? Seriously? The projected candidate for the Republican Party? The rodent-snacker? This guy?:

Though John McCain won most of the Republican delegates in the long run while Obama and Mrs. Clinton battled it out for a period of time, these types of predictions are not always accurate. One minute you are on top of the world (the free world, that is), and the next, you are doing this:

Here’s your political portion:

If Karab Amabo was a Super Tuesday contender, I’d totally vote for him.